


You said that maybe this is where it ends

by Popstar



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Immortal Husbands, Immortal Husbands Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Post Movie, Romance, Temporary Amnesia, booker is still part of the team and let's pretend he didn't fuck them over
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:03:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26031595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Popstar/pseuds/Popstar
Summary: “Normally amnesia comes from damage to the brain,” Copley says, shooting them a worried look over the screen.“But it can’t be, in Nicky’s case. Our brains heal. Our bodies heal,” Nile argues back but then there’s a gasp from Joe next to her and her head whips around to look at him, at the pain on Joe’s face. “Oh no.”“Until we don’t heal anymore,” Andy says quietly and Nile swallows.Or the one where Nicky forgets everything from after his first death.
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 45
Kudos: 588





	You said that maybe this is where it ends

**Author's Note:**

> You know, they always say you’re supposed to write what you want to read yourself. And I’m a sucker for amnesia fics and I haven’t been able to look through the tags to my heart’s content because my week has been busy and hell and this plot bunny bit me and I needed to get it out of my system. 
> 
> As always, [crownheartsteacup](http://crownheartsteacup.tumblr.com) is the best person in the world and she’s the best for reading this over. I could not do this without her. <3 (All remaining mistakes are my own.) 
> 
> Also thanks to my other friends who listened to me talk about this particular plot bunny. 
> 
> Title is shamelessly stolen from Bastille. Because let’s be honest, their lyrics are depressing enough for an angsty fic.

“I’m not comfortable with this,” Joe says as he moves to adjusts Nicky’s bow tie, making sure it sits straight. Like always, Joe is looking out for him, even if it just means that Nicky looks his best. “We shouldn’t send you in alone. We never do things alone.”

Nicky smiles softly and brings one hand up to circle it around Joe’s wrist, giving it a gentle squeeze. “It’ll be alright,” he tells him. He loves it when Joe is concerned about him, as if he didn’t know exactly how much Nicky can take care of himself, look after himself in dangerous situations. It’s not that Nicky stands short in his worry about Joe if their roles are reversed. Nicky is exactly like him. He’s always scared for Joe whether they’re fighting together or separately. And it will probably never change. It’s the greatest compliment for their love, if Nicky is concerned. The moment they’ll stop worrying about each other will be the moment he’ll start worrying about their love.

“I’ve got a bad feeling.”

Nicky just smiles wider and leans in to kiss him softly on the lips. “You’re only jealous because you don’t get to wear a matching suit,” he teases. “It will be fine, Joe.”

Joe gives him a doubtful look and he moves his hands to straighten Nicky’s jacket carefully before he grabs him by the hips to give them a gentle squeeze, his gaze locked with Nicky’s. His dark eyes always send a pleasant shiver down Nicky’s spine, making him remember that Joe will always be there. And of course, Nicky would love to have Joe by his side for that mission, any mission, if he is honest. While Nicky is skilled and knows how to handle himself in certain situations, he prefers to go into fights with Joe by his side. They work so well in tandem, it’s hard to remember how to do all of it by himself.

Nicky is supposed to retrieve an USB drive with crucial information about their target, the information they need to have him arrested. He’s responsible for hundreds of cases of human trafficking, children in most cases and no one in their team could stand by and watch it happen. They immediately agreed when Copley presented them with the mission, even though it’s not their usual style. Usually they go in with a lot more force and a lot less dressing up. But still, nobody wanted to back away though, the topic too important. So as easy as the mission seems, it’s a bit tricky because their target carries the USB drive with himself always, making it almost impossible for them to interfere and steal it from him. Nicky, as a very skilled pick pocket, has been chosen as the one to retrieve the drive. Normally at least one back up would have gone with him. But Joe, Booker and Nile all have been seen by their target, their faces at least possibly familiar to him. Nicky had stayed behind to watch through his sniper rifle, watching and listening to what they were talking about. Andy had came in contact with the man a few years prior, therefore making it impossible for her to join Nicky at the party and leaving it for the others to guess what she had done so he still remembers her face. 

Joe doesn’t look too convinced. But before he can say anything, Booker speaks up. “Five hundred he’s turning heads at the party and gets free drinks within the first five minutes.”

“It’s an open bar, Booker. All drinks are free,” Nicky replies with a laugh and shakes his head.

“Someone will get you a drink. Believe me.” Booker raises his eyebrows at him and his face does something that is probably supposed to be a grin. “And that within the first five minutes.”

“Five? Make that two,” Andy comments and grins. “You look dashing, Nicky.”

Nicky flashes her a brilliant smile because it always flatters him when Andy compliments him. “Thank you, boss,” he says easily. “It’s like the time we got married in Ireland.”

“It’s almost the same suit,” Joe agrees and tugs at the jacket, sighing softly. He still doesn’t look too happy about it, but at least he’s not complaining anymore. Nicky knows too well how he is feeling. If their roles were reversed he wouldn’t have wanted Joe to go on his own either.

“Wait, how often are you married?” Nils asks from her seat at the table and watches them curiously.

Joe and Nicky exchange a look and Nicky smiles even wider. “We’re legally married 29 times in modern countries.”

“That’s like... every country that allows same sex marriage, right?” Nile blinks at them and then laughs when they nod.

“The Netherlands were the first country to allow it,” Joe explains and takes Nicky’s hand back into his. “That was in 2001. Nicky proposed to me in Amsterdam and we got married. Andy and Booker were with us.”

“It was a beautiful ceremony,” Nicky agrees and smiles at him.

“There were ceremonies before that, too. So technically they’re married more often. Although they’re not legally binding, if you ask me, they still count as marriages. And I only have been around for a few years.” Booker grins and waggles his eyebrows.

Andy smiles softly at them, as if she’s remembering something and then nods in agreement, clearly touched by the memories, but then she glances at her watch, ruining the moment. “It’s time, Nicky.”

Nicky nods. “Alright boss,” he agrees easily enough and then leans in to kiss Joe gently on the lips. “See you in a bit, my love.”

Joe smiles at him and reaches up to cup his cheek before he lets his hand slide to the back of Nicky’s head and he pulls him in again for a proper kiss, one that makes Nicky’s legs weak, even after all these years when Joe licks into his mouth. “Be careful,” he tells him in Italian before he leans their foreheads together.

Graciously Andy lets them have their moment for a little bit longer before she interrupts them and then Nicky is on his way to his mission.

He doesn’t mind doing this, of course not. There are worse things to do than going to a party, enjoying a bit of music and some free drinks while stealing an USB drive out of the pocket of some infamous human trafficker. But he definitely would prefer it if he didn’t have to do it alone. 

After all, Joe does look very good in a suit.

—

The mission itself goes well and smooth. Nicky manages to get the USB drive and manages to slide it to the waiter they hired to smuggle out an envelope. So when Nile says “Got it.” over the intercom, Nicky relaxes and lets out a breath.

“Good. I’m on my way back,” he announces quietly and glances around the party once more, already having spotted the men watching him. “I’m getting company.” He’s not sure if they’re yet onto him and have figured out what he has done but they definitely have noticed him and that he doesn’t behave like he a normal party guest.

Because of the liveliness of the party itself it’s too late before he notices the man who steps up behind him and plunges something into his neck, making Nicky groan softly as he feels him pressing down the syringe. His last thoughts before unconsciousness hits him go to Joe, as always.

—

“Nicky?” Andy tries again when Nicky doesn’t react to her order.

Of course they hear the rustle then, different voices speaking over each other and Joe is already on his feet before either of them can react. “We’ve got to get going, boss,” he says. They have him. He knows it and Andy knows it, too.

Her eyes come to rest on his and she looks defeated for a moment, the realisation hitting her that she’s lost one of her own again. But then her face steels again before she nods. “Fuck,” she says and gets up, grabbing her gun. “Shit.”

Joe nods, grabbing his own weapons. He’s moving on autopilot now because all he can think about is Nicky and what these people will do to him if they find out he can’t die, will just heal when they end up torturing him, leaving them to do it again and again. They have gone through something similar before in the past, they all have. History always repeats itself. He doesn’t want to bring himself to think about it, too angry at himself, that he didn’t insist on going to the party as well. He could have distracted the target and Nicky could have still stolen the drive. But at least he wouldn’t have been all by himself then, he would have been there to prevent them from capturing him.

They meet up with Booker and Nile, who have been in the garden, getting handed the envelope by their smuggler and paying him. Quickly they fill them in about the latest happenings. “Shit,” Nile says as well and gives Joe a sympathetic look. “We’ll get him back, Joe.”

Again, Joe can only nod. He doesn’t trust his voice right now, his mind only focused on making sure Nicky is okay. They get like this whenever they get separated. Their focus merely lies on each other. It’s been like that for over 900 years, after they have stopped killing each other again and again. Joe loves the way they are protective of each other and wouldn’t change a single thing about it. He knows that Nicky feels the same and it makes Joe’s heart fill with pride.

He’s going to get him back and he’s going to make sure that the people who have hurt Nicky will pay for that.

—

It’s surprisingly easy to track down where they have brought him. The guards go down without much of a fight and the others hang back a bit, letting Joe take the lead for now. It does nothing for him, the satisfaction of getting rid of them, but at least it’s a small payback for the thought that they already have hurt Nicky.

They find him in a warehouse close by, locked up in a back room, unconscious on the floor. His beautiful suit is shredded and covered in blood. Joe immediately rushes forward and sinks down on his knees in front of him, placing his scimitar and gun on the ground. “Nicolò,” he whispers, already slipping back into Italian because he always does, when he’s trying to make sure Nicky is alright. His hands move up to grab Nicky’s face, thumbs gracing over his cheekbones. “Wake up.”

It takes a moment for Nicky to blink his eyes open, his beautiful blue and grey eyes slowly coming into focus again. Joe smiles and keeps rubbing his thumbs over Nicky’s cheekbones. “Nicolò,” he whispers again. “Are you al—?”

Joe doesn’t get to finish his question. Nicky’s eyes watch him, cold and emotionless and before he can comprehend what’s happening, Joe coughs and looks down, his own scimitar piercing through his body. He frowns and grabs the blade to pull it out again but Nicky twists it a little deeper.

“Die,” he whispers in an old dialect Joe hasn’t heard in centuries and without much resistance, Joe complies and sacks to the ground.

—

“Nicky! What the fuck!” Andy shouts and springs forward, Booker by her side as they grab Nicky to drag him away from Joe. Nile stares at them, dumbfounded as she watches Joe sink to the ground, his own weapon stuck inside him. She doesn’t quite understand what’s going on but she definitely knows that she’ll need to get the weapon out so his healing can work its magic. She moves forward to kneel down next to Joe and as gently as she can she retrieves his scimitar, wincing as she watches the wound. It definitely doesn’t get easier over time. She looks over to where Nicky is trying to get away from Andy and Booker, talking to them in a language she hasn’t heard before.

“What the hell is going on?” She asks no one in particular because neither Andy nor Booker can hear her over Nicky’s shouting and trashing. But Nile just can’t wrap her head around it, just wants to understand what is happening here. She’s never seen anyone of them like this, not a single time after they came back again. It almost looks like...

“He doesn’t remember,” Joe says then and groans, making Nile’s head whip around to him and watch him sit up, his wound slowly healing. Immediately she moves to steady him and help up.

“What do you mean, he doesn’t remember?” Andy bites out as Booker tightens his grip on Nicky, who finally has stopped struggling, his gaze fixed on Joe, a cold stare in his eyes.

He says something again that Nile doesn’t catch but judging from Joe’s and Andy’s reaction, it definitely isn’t nice.

“We need to get out of here,” Booker says and nods towards the entrance. “I’m sure we’ll get company soon enough.”

Nile nods and helps Joe get on his feet, grabbing his scimitar to hand it back to him, while Booker and Andy host Nicky up on his feet. He doesn’t seem to go willingly but it’s not surprising, if he really doesn’t remember. And judging from the language he used and how it only vaguely sounded like the Italian she has learned by now, the theory doesn’t seem too far off. Nile watches him while they move out of the room, Nicky’s eyes still on Joe and then her gaze flicks towards Joe who literally looks like he’s just been stabbed by the love of his life.

Andy steps up to him and brings up her hand, placing it on Joe’s arm. “We’ll figure this out.”

Joe nods and covers Andy’s hand with his own for a moment before they follow Booker out of the room. Nicky has stopped struggling for now, but Nile isn’t sure if he just stopped his struggling because he doesn’t want to hurt himself or if he’s really willing to cooperate with them. Nile somehow doubts he is. If he really doesn’t remember anything it shouldn’t come as a surprise.

—

Nicolò lets the bulky man guide him away from his enemy. He doesn’t know how he came here. The last thing he remembers is dying on the battlefield by the hand of the same man that woke him up minutes ago. He knows those dark eyes, has memorised this curls and his posture. It’s the man who killed him first. And he’s certain he had killed him, too. Nicolò had run his long sword through his lungs. He has seen him die. Twice now. He doesn’t understand how he can still be alive. Doesn’t understand why he isn’t dead himself.

But maybe he is and that is his punishment, a crude version of hell, stuck with the man who killed him and who he’s killed for all eternity, making him relive his sins again and again. But it doesn’t explain the strangeness that is going on around him, the other people and the language they speak.

He doesn’t recognise anything around him, not their clothes or their language, doesn’t understand their weapons and doesn’t comprehend the buildings around him. He’s never seen walls like it. They bring him to a strange vehicle and Nicolò bolts against the man holding him, trying to get away, in vain. The stranger has got a firm grip on him and he says something Nicolò doesn’t catch. He doesn’t want to go with them, doesn’t want to be a prisoner and maybe endure torture. He’d rather be dead than to be tortured again and again until he dies of his wounds. Or maybe doesn’t die because apparently, Nicolò isn’t able to.

But strangely, even though he doesn’t recognise anything, doesn’t know these people, Nicolò doesn’t really feel afraid. There is a strange feeling inside him that leaves him with some kind of familiarity he can’t place and it makes it even stranger for him. He looks back over his shoulder to find the man who is responsible for his misery.

He watches him with a sad expression on his face and Nicolò frowns. He hasn’t seen a look like this on the man’s face before. The look he knows is pure hatred and disgust as well as the will to kill his foes. But the look he is wearing now makes Nicolò feel a bit uneasy. It’s sad and full of emotions Nicolò can’t describe and it stings to see him like this. He can’t put into words why it hurts exactly, doesn’t understand the emotions he feels upon the look on the man’s face but it does hurt and quickly he averts his eyes, letting the bulky man push him in the strange vehicle.

The coloured woman gets in next to him on his other side and she smiles kindly at him, even though she looks worried as well. She says something in a language Nicolò doesn’t know that sounds similar to what the bulky man has said to him. He frowns some more because he doesn’t know what she’s saying, making him feel even more out of place.

“You’re safe with us,” the man Nicolò has killed says then. Nicolò’s head whips around and he stares at him. The words are a bit shaken but he does speak his language, with only a little bit of accent, actually.

“Who are you? Where am I? What kind of devil’s work have you done with me?” He asks, trying to make his voice sound cold, despite the confusion he feels. He’s not sure if he succeeded because the man is watching him with a gentle expression and Nicolò swallows. He knows this man is his enemy. He’s seen him on the battlefields and he’s looked at these eyes and has seen the hatred in them, the hatred that was only focused on Nicolò and his brothers in arms.

“My name is Yusuf,” the man replies, his voice sad and Nicolò can see he’s struggling to stay calm as he clears his throat. “We don’t know what happened to you but we will bring you to a safe location.”

Nicolò frowns because he’s not sure that’s entirely true but he doesn’t have a choice, he’s already with them in a vehicle he doesn’t know, something similar to a chariot, but not quite and with seats. Nicolò feels more and more confused by the second. The woman next to the man, Yusuf, gives him a long look. “You forgot who you are, Nicolò,” she says slowly and then gets in the vehicle as well.

Nicolò frowns some more because he can’t have forgotten who he is. He knows it perfectly well. Even though there is a strange feeling inside him, the confusion he feels about the people surrounding him and the surroundings in general. He doesn’t know what’s happening to him, why he cannot die and why he doesn’t fear the people who are in the vehicle with him.

It’s the strangest things of all because while Nicolò knows that at least one of them is his enemy, he doesn’t feel oddity towards them, doesn’t feel fear, not even hatred. Of course, he knows he should hate the man, Yusuf. But somehow, right now, Nicolò doesn’t have it in his heart to do so. Somehow he knows, deep down, that it’s wrong. But he doesn’t want to let these feelings in. His head is starting to hurt and that’s why he closes his eyes and leans back, the seats soft and yet hard, but very comfortable. He tries to listen to the sounds the vehicle makes, a roaring, and tries to blackout all other things.

—

The drive back to the safe house is strange and quiet. Joe stares straight ahead on the road, Andy on the driver’s seat next to him. He can feel Nicky’s eyes on him, watching him as he is probably trying to figure this out. He knows his Nicky, knows just how much he wants to understand certain situations and how long it took him to accept the fact that Joe just wouldn’t die. But that had been such a long time ago.

Joe doesn’t understand it himself. Doesn’t know what is going on. But it’s been over 900 years since Nicky killed him for the last time and it’s strange to have died by his hand again. He hasn’t seen the look of hatred in these beautiful eyes since forever and he isn’t particularly fond of it. It hurts more than the wound, which has healed already and there isn’t a visible trace left on his body, just on his soul. The thought that Nicky doesn’t remember him, their love, hurts more than Joe can put into words.

The thing is, Nicky clearly remembers parts of him. The parts long gone, the parts where they were enemies on a battlefield. He’s not a stranger to Nicky, that much the cold hatred in his eyes told him. Nicky reacted that violently only towards him, towards the others not as much.

Andy reaches over and squeezes his shoulder and when he looks at her she’s staring straight ahead. Neither of them has experienced something like that before but it’s clear she’s not going anywhere, will stay right by this side as they figure this out.

Joe brings up his hand and squeezes Andy’s back, holding it for a moment before he looks straight ahead again, too afraid to look over his shoulder and what he will find at the backseat.

—

The safe house is located in a rural area, meaning that they have some peace and quiet to figure this mess out.

Booker hoists Nicky up and drags him out of the car, sticking to his side to make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid even though it seems like Nicky is quite cooperative right now.

Nile frowns as he watches Joe and Andy. They talk quietly to each other and Nile turns away, following Booker and Nicky inside. If Andy and Joe wanted her to hear the conversation they would’ve spoken louder.

Booker has pushed Nicky into the arm chair in the lounge and makes a motion to suggest drinking to him.

Nicky nods slowly and then Nile moves to fill a glass with water, handing it to him. Nicky takes it and drinks greedily before he sinks back into the chair with a sigh. Nile takes the glass from him again and then steps back.

“Fucking hell,” Booker says and runs a hand through his hair.

“I take it that hasn’t happened before?” Nile asks as he watches him. His tension doesn’t help with the situation, it makes her nervous, because Booker usually isn’t that tense.

“No,” Andy says then as she steps into the room with Joe behind her. Nicky tenses in his arm chair and grips the arm rests with his hands, his gaze on Joe once more, but he stays seated. “We die, we come back. That’s how it works. I don’t know what’s happened to him and he can’t tell us.” She turns her attention to Nicky and asks him something in the language he seems to speak.

It does sound like old Italian, or some kind of dialect. Nile isn’t sure. She’s learned Italian, yes, but she isn’t particularly good at it and the dialect is too hard for her to understand.

Nicky lets his gaze wander from Andy to everyone of them, lingering on Joe for a moment longer before he looks back to Andy and replies in the same language.

Joe lets out a sob and then sinks down on the floor, burying his face in his hands.

“What’s going on?” Nile asks, watching them in confusion.

Andy sighs. “Nicky doesn’t remember. The last thing he knows is dying on the battlefield by Joe’s hand.”

“Fuck,” Nile says and stares at Nicky, who looks scared and confused. She would, too, if their roles had been reversed.

—

“Normally amnesia comes from damage to the brain,” Copley says, shooting them a worried look over the screen.

“But it can’t be, in Nicky’s case. Our brains heal. Our bodies heal,” Nile argues back but then there’s a gasp from Joe next to her and her head whips around to look at him, at the pain on Joe’s face. “Oh no.”

“Until we don’t heal anymore,” Andy says quietly and Nile swallows.

—

Joe is a disaster for the next days. As it should be expected. The love of his life can’t remember him, their time together, and probably worst of all, he wants to kill him. Booker hates seeing him like that. Both of them. Because Nicky is confused and feels out of place and out of time. He doesn’t remember anything at all. Booker wouldn’t wish that fate to his greatest foe. And these two men are his brothers. As much as he has been jealous of what they have, he doesn’t want to take it away from them. He’s not a cruel man. Not when he doesn’t have to be.

So far it seems like Nicky doesn’t make any progress remembering and Copley has offered to have a doctor he trusts check Nicky out but Andy has declined. They will figure this out on their own.

Three days after they first got Nicky back, Booker finds Joe on the porch of their safe house, sitting on the top stairs and looking over the beautiful landscape in front of him. With a sigh he sits down next to Joe, their shoulders touching. “He will remember again.”

Joe nods. “I hope so,” he whispers even though he doesn’t seem convinced.

“That man is sickeningly in love with you, Joe. Has been for forever. That’s not something that can be forgotten easily.”

Joe looks over to him and it hits Booker hard how sad his eyes look, how defeated he looks. “I try to be hopeful and I try to believe. But I’m not sure I can anymore. He’s not showing any sign he will remember again.”

“Then you will have to win over his heart again,” Booker says because while he doesn’t believe in that destiny crap, he knows that Nicky does. “Isn’t Nicky the one who always insists that things happen for a reason? Well, maybe there is a good reason for that. You’re not giving up on him, are you?”

“Of course not!” Joe looks affronted. “How could I? He’s my everything.”

Booker smiles at him, at the fire that has been awakened again and he brings up his hand to run it over Joe’s back. “That’s good,” he says and nods.

—

Nicolò has learned their names by now. It’s been a strange couple of days. Nile, he thinks, is his favourite. She’s young and bright and a good person. He’s not sure about Yusuf, about why he feels drawn to him. But there is something about him that sparks Nicolò’s interest and not just because he’s the face that’s already been familiar when he woke up under these weird terms. The one they call Booker seems like a good person, too. But different, a little sadder. And the leader, Andromache, Andy, is truly a leader. She has taken over the responsibility to talk to Nicolò and make him understand that he’s missing a crucial part of his life. Apparently over 900 years. It took a lot of convincing for that to sink in.

“We call you Nicky nowadays,” Andy says casually over breakfast and fixes him with her gaze. “You chose the name yourself. I’m not sure why exactly”

Nicolò nods. Nicky. It does have a nice ring to it, affectionate, he supposes.

Yusuf tenses next to her. He seems to know more, but he doesn’t say anything. They call him Joe and speak to him in a language Nicolò doesn’t quite understand yet. There are fragments, little things coming back to him, but he can’t place them anywhere yet. His head feels like it’s going to burst from all the information that he’s supposed to already know and all the feelings that are fighting inside him.

“Oh, wait. Let me show you.” Andy gets out something flat and small and pushes it towards Nicolò. “It’s a family picture. Nile insisted we take one before we went on this mission,” she says and shows Nicolò what she means. 

It’s a piece of paper, showing a perfect picture of them, a little glossy on the top and not at all like the pictures he knows. He looks at the image of all five of them, Yusuf’s arms wrapped around him and Nicolò can’t help the strange feeling that starts pooling in his stomach. “Are we friends?” He asks, points between Yusuf and himself and then looks at Andy.

She smiles and shrugs. “Amongst other things, yes,” she says and Nicolò tilts his head to the side.

He hums. Friends. With someone he’s been taught to hate. He can’t quite wrap his head around it. Although he does know deep down that the feelings he feels are not hatred. He feels drawn to all of them, feels a connection that roots quite deep. But with Yusuf, or Joe, as they call him, it’s something else. He can’t quite pinpoint it but with the way Yusuf looks at him, Nicolò can’t help but feel a little restless. He wants to understand his feelings, wants to remember more because he knows he’s not imagining this, even if he doesn’t know a lot these days.

After all, he is still not remembering a whole lot more than a few days ago. He just knows fragments of the language they all speak with each other and there are feelings he can’t quite place. However, they have his long sword and they show him pictures of himself and them and it does help because he doesn’t feel so out of place anymore. It makes him feel a little more at ease, even though he still feels out of place and out of time. He doesn’t know what God’s will for him is, but Nicolò is willing to try, to give in and let God guide him.

Andy feels familiar, like family and even without remembering he still he knows that he can trust her with his life, his heart and his soul. He feels oddly protective of Nile, wanting to make sure she sleeps well at night and he feels the strange urge to place a bet with Booker. Maybe, he muses that is something he enjoys, even though he knows that gambling isn’t in God’s will. But then apparently, Nicolò hasn’t done a lot lately in God’s will. A hard concept to grasp for him.

He’s felt afraid when he first woke up and noticed that he isn’t where he last closed his eyes, that he’s not the person anymore he used to be. These people, however, are nice and don’t want to hurt him. Nicolò has the feeling that he can trust them. Even Yusuf. Or maybe especially him. He shouldn’t, but yet he does feel something like trust for him as well.

At least he doesn’t feel hatred anymore towards Yusuf. Even though he’s not quite sure what he feels, he’s willing to try. It’s a lot, too much for Nicolò to understand. When Yusuf’s eyes meet his, Nicolò smiles at him, trying to make him understand that he’s not holding a grudge anymore.

—

Nile watches in awe as Nicky tries his best and works really hard to remember stuff. He talks to Andy mostly, but he still seems adamant to learn from Booker and her as well. He just keeps his distance from Joe. He keeps watching him, trying to figure him out, maybe. But Nile notices that his expression changes. The more days pass, the more curious Nicky’s expression becomes.

She loves to hope that he is slowly coming back to them and maybe, she muses, that his brain just needed a little longer to heal than normal.

“Maybe they used some kind of strong drug on him?” Nile suggests one night and gives Andy a hopeful look. “Like, that maybe his brain got some damage and needs a little longer to heal?”

Andy hums, thinking about it for a moment. “Could be,” she says.

“Have you... hurt him? To try?” Nile presses her lips together because she couldn’t imagine it, hurting either of them. It’s even more unimaginable with the thought that maybe Nicky might not heal. 

“No.” Andy shakes her head. “And I’m not going to.” Her gaze flicks to something behind Nile and she doesn’t have to look to know that Andy is looking at Joe. “It’s not my place.”

Nile nods slowly and sighs, sinking lower in her chair. It’s just so fucking unfair. She hates seeing one of them like this and she doesn’t know what Joe would do, should Nicky really be mortal now. It’s a thought that has quite often crossed Nile’s mind. Their bond is so strong, Nicky’s and Joe’s, and if one of them really dies, she’s not sure the other could survive on his own. And it might be selfish, but while Nile doesn’t want to lose one of them, she definitely doesn’t want to lose them both.

—

The first memory rushes back to him in a dream and hits him like a brick. Nicolò gasps awake and grabs for thin air, his long sword that is normally lying right next to him not there. He sits up and runs a hand over his face, then through his hair as he tries to catch his breath, sweat trickling down the sides of his head and he swallows at the images in his head. He’s never thought he’d remember something like this. Of course, he’s had a feeling deep down, that there might be something more to Yusuf and him, but Nicolò would have never guessed...

He shakes his head and tries to calm his rapid breathing. His heart is beating too fast in his chest and he still doesn’t grasp that he’s back in the bed he’s been assigned to. He swallows, his throat dry, all of a sudden. The images are still vivid in his mind, he still feels Yusuf close to him, his lips on his own, their limps tangled as they... Nicolò buries his face in his hands, trying to sort out his racing mind.

It quite surely explains the looks Yusuf gives him when he thinks Nicolò isn’t looking. It felt strange in the beginning but now it makes more sense. If they really did that, sinned together, then it makes sense that Yusuf would look at Nicolò the way he did. Someone it also explains the feelings Nicolò felt for him in the beginning, the things he couldn’t explain but knew deep down anyway. He knows them, because it hasn’t changed yet, only grown stronger over the days.

It makes sense and yet it doesn’t. Nicolò was a priest before he set out to fight, although Andy tells him he hasn’t been a priest in a long time. Quite obviously he hasn’t even believed in God, or his ways and Nicolò tries to come to terms with it, that he has changed so dramatically. He doesn’t know if he can truly accept it without all of his memories. But it seems like the more time goes by, the more things he remembers and maybe he just needs to be a little more patient and give himself some more time to come to terms with himself, his memories and the feelings he feels.

He still can’t believe how old he is supposed to be, or the fact that he can’t die. Of course he has tried, to hurt himself, when they told him he couldn’t die and it was true. His wound healed quickly after he hurt himself with a small dagger. It can’t be some kind of magic or miracle, not if Nicolò saw it with his own eyes, watched the wound close right after he had cut himself. But having lived for that long is a concept he still can’t grasp. 900 years is such a long time. He can’t believe he’s still alive, apparently still himself, even though he has changed so much.

Yet his racing mind and his worrying thoughts are taking him nowhere. They just leave him with a dull ache in his head and it’s no use. He is not getting anywhere. Maybe he should have some water, or a tea.

Nile explained the wondrous machine to her that could boil water within minutes. She called it a kettle and Nicolò quite likes the concept of it. He can make himself a tea without having to wait for the water to boil for such a long time. Maybe he will make himself a tea to relax again.

He gets out of bed and runs a hand through his hair. The dream, the memory of Yusuf and him has left Nicolò rattled. He’s never felt that way before, never felt this drawn to another human being. Of course he knows the temptation of the flesh and he’s always known he’s more attracted to men than women. But for Nicolò it had been clear that he would never give in to the temptation, not in the life he was supposed to live.

But apparently, that has been several lifetimes ago, so maybe Nicolò truly is a different person now. After all, as Booker has put it, times have changed and two people of the same sex can now live openly and love openly in some countries. It’s beautiful thought, Nicolò has to admit. Because love never should be a sin. He knows he’s been taught that it is, but he has always questioned that part of his religion. Why God would hate his own children, even if they just chose to love one another.

When he steps into the kitchen Yusuf is sitting at the table. He looks up at him and smiles, his gaze warm and soft and Nicolò feels his cheeks heat up, the images from his dream rushing back to him. He wishes he could remember more, not just a few fragments of them being together. He wishes that he would understand what Yusuf is feeling.

“Bad dreams?”

Nicolò shakes his head. “They weren’t bad,” he answers evasively, not looking at Yusuf, as he makes his way over to the cupboard to get out a glass and fill it with water, having decided against taking a tea.

“Oh.” Yusuf laughs softly. “You dreamt of us then.”

“Yes.” Nicolo nods and turns around to study Yusuf’s face. There is no point in lying to him. He would probably look right through him anyway.

“What did you dream, Nicolò?” Yusuf smiles, a curious look on his face.

“We lay together,” Nicolò replies, feeling his cheeks flush once more, and looks down at the glass of water in his hands. “Intimately.”

“We have done so many times,” Yusuf tells him, his voice soft.

“Are we...?” Nicolò doesn’t dare to finish the question. He doesn’t even know how he is supposed to call it. After all, he did ask Andy if they were friends and she had told him that they were, amongst other things. Nicolò isn’t quite sure if he likes to hear the answer to his unspoken question.

“Yes. We are. You’re the love of my life and I am yours. You’re my husband, and yet so much more,” Yusuf says, confirming Nicolò’s thoughts. He hasn’t feared it because the feelings he feels don’t leave room for fear. They fill him with warmth and adoration. They feel good, now that he is starting to accept them for what they are. Even though he should think they are wrong, Nicolò doesn’t feel like they are wrong. And the way Yusuf says these things confirms it as well. There are a lot of emotions carried in his voice.

Nicolò looks up again, his gaze locking with Yusuf’s. “You were my first,” he states, mostly for himself because he’s quite sure that Yusuf knows that already, especially if they have been husbands for such a long time. But Nicolò needs to hear it, needs to have it confirmed.

“And only.” Yusuf nods and smiles. “And it makes me very humble and proud, my love.”

Nicolò hums at the affectionate name and takes a sip of his water again. It feels good, to have someone call him affectionate names and smile at him the way Yusuf does. “I try to remember more.”

“I know.” Yusuf smiles a little more. “You’re doing the best you can, Nicolò. I won’t pressure you.”

He’s more than Nicolò deserves, he thinks. He doesn’t understand how he can be so forgiving, so kind. But maybe it must be because he loves so openly, so shamelessly. It’s something Nicolò can learn from him. “I’m sorry I killed you.”

Yusuf’s eyes sparkle and his lips twitch into an amused smile. “Which time?” He asks and Nicolò laughs.

—

The more Nicky remembers, the happier Nile feels. She knows that he’s coming back to him and it makes her giddy and happy to see it happen. Joe returns to being himself as well, he’s smiling again and he’s flirting with Nicky, making the latter blush and flirt back, even though it’s still very clumsy at first. But it’s beautiful to watch, their love growing back, slowly blooming again, with every fragment and detail Nicky remembers. It feels a bit like watching a really good romance movie, Nile muses as she watches them sit at the table together, Joe talking quietly to Nicky as he explains something to him, their hands simply resting together.

While he has hesitatingly started talking English again, they are still talking in the old dialect Nile doesn’t speak but she can see it on their faces, the way they smile at each other, that it must be a treasured memory. It’s not quite clear yet if Nicky remembers already but he’s smiling softly at Joe, his gaze full of love and feelings.

Suddenly Nicky picks up the dagger that’s lying on the table and he holds it up, grinning widely at Joe, who frowns. But before either Joe or Nile can react, Nicky has already cut open his arm, wincing at the pain.

Nile is out of her seat, swallowing as she steps closer to the table. “Nicky,” she says softly, tears welling up in her eyes. She watches as Joe puts away the dagger and takes Nicky’s arm in his hands, carefully running his thumb over the skin.

“Nicolò,” he whispers and then looks up at Nicky, his gaze shining with unshed tears, awe and love visible on his face. He says something else that Nile doesn’t catch but when she looks down at Nicky’s arm again she notices that Joe has wiped away the blood but the skin underneath it is undamaged.

“Oh thank fuck,” Nile breathes out and bites her lip, feeling like she intrudes in an intimate moment that isn’t made for her. But she can’t stop watching, the two of them making it impossible for her to turn away.

Nicky is smiling softly at Joe and he brings up his right hand to cup his cheek softly, whispering something to him. It’s so intimate and romantic that Nile thinks her heart is about to burst from it. She loves these two just so much and she wants them to be happier than ever. But even if Nicky’s memories don’t fully return, she thinks they definitely are on the right track to building something new and beautiful for themselves.

—

“I think I’ve found out what they used to drug Nicky,” Copley says over the phone to Andy, immediately making her look over to where Nicky and Joe are sitting on the couch, talking quietly. Nicky has been remembering more and more lately and if Andy is asked, it’s only a matter of time until he will remember the rest. After all, it’s been a week since they found him.

“Tell me,” she says and doesn’t tear her eyes away from the couple on the couch, the two of them a sight too familiar not to imagine seeing them together.

“I think it was some kind of very powerful sedative. Maybe they gave him too much without realising that would have killed him maybe a dozen times over,” Copley continues. “But maybe...”

“Maybe they knew he couldn’t die and tried to make sure he wouldn’t wake up too soon,” Andy says and sighs.

“Exactly.” Copley sighs. “I’ll look into it and let you know what the case is. I really hope it’s the first.”

“Me too,” Andy replies softly and then ends the call. She doesn’t want to imagine what these people would have done to Nicky if they hadn’t found him in time and rescued him. Somehow, deep down, Andy hopes that Copley comes back with a negative answer, that these people really know how they are and that they’ll need to make sure they vanish off the face of the Earth. She’s quite certain she’ll have the whole team back her up in that decision.

—

The first time Nicky kisses Joe again after the whole amnesia thing happened is on the morning of the eleventh day after they found Nicky in the warehouse. Without a word he walks up to Joe, who is sitting next to Andy at the breakfast table, and grabs his face with both hands.

Joe gives him a surprised look and then Nicky leans in to kiss him, making the others stare at them while Joe melts into the kiss, easily returning it.

Nile can’t help but chuckle softly. “I guess that means he remembers fully now,” she says happily and tilts her head to the side.

Nicky pulls away from Joe’s lips but doesn’t look away as he answers. “I do,” he whispers, his thumb gracing over Joe’s cheekbone. “Not everything yet, but enough. It’s only a matter of time until I’ll remember the rest.”

Nile smiles widely and Booker grins next to her. “Welcome back, Nicky,” Andy’s says and laughs. “We missed you.”

Nicky looks up and at each of them for a short moment before his gaze comes to rest on Joe’s again. “I missed you, too,” he whispers and leans in for another kiss, Joe easily kissing him back once more, no more words needed between them.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m [sassypopstar](http://sassypopstar.tumblr.com) on tumblr. If you want to come and talk to me. <3 (And yell about these idiots with me)


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